All of us have come across situations where we have encountered people and didn’t know what to say. Situations where you bump into an acquaintance inside an elevator, coming across a distant relative at your cousin’s wedding. Problems with conversations can also lead you to suffer in your professional life if your work involves talking to people. Making small talk is no small task, especially when you are talking with your crush. Your crush is perhaps the toughest person to talk to, especially when you haven’t directly expressed your affection. In this post, we will talk about the different ways you can talk to your crush and not come off as a sweaty, stuttering fool when you come face to face with him/her. We will discuss the dos and don’ts of the matter. Let’s get started.
Topics To Talk About With Your Crush: Dos and Don’ts
Don’t talk about the weather
Another much sought-after outlet is the conversation about obvious or unimportant things, which continue to contribute absolutely nothing. They are empty, indeterminate comments designed solely to fill space and reduce discomfort. In both objectives, they fail miserably.
- “Looks like rain, right?”
- “How are those Chivas? Always the same, gosh …”
- “Almost Friday, huh? Almost…”
- “No, ‘it is difficult, it is difficult”
Of course, we do not always have a common theme or prior knowledge of the person in front of us, and it seems a “safe” option to talk about the weather, like the British, so as not to carry the conversation forward. But the result is the same: awkward silences. So if you are not a fan of the stiff upper lip demeanour, then don’t just talk about the weather.
Don’t discuss polarizing topics
This does not mean that you have to carry out the deepest conversation of your life or talk about very complex and dense topics every time you come across someone in the cafeteria. It’s just a conversation, not an inquisition. Stay clear of controversial topics such as politics and religion.
- “Those deputies are crazy, right?”
- “Have you seen the new Human Resources one? Very pretty…”
- “Those of the peasant march, they don’t even love her …”
- “Trump is out with his ideas!”
Not only can they be offensive, if the person disagrees, but this can result in unnecessary enmity or a very unpleasant conversation. Remember that not everyone thinks like you, nor should they. Above all, think about whether these are really the topics you want to bring up in the conversation. If they’re just filler, why mention them? Also, you should also consider what you want to do, win a debate or retain your friendship.
Don’t make invasive comments
Not all people have the same type of humor and taste. Be very careful with personal comments that may be invasive, uncomfortable, or even offensive.
Comments on weight or age? Save these for the people you have a lot of prior trust with. Do not assume things that you are not sure about. For example, if an older man approaches with a young woman, do not assume “How old is his daughter, graduate!” It is not going to be that he answers: “She is not my daughter, she is my wife”, or something like that. Just introduce yourself, and let them introduce themselves before you put all fours in. Don’t get too comfortable with everyone, that level needs to be earned.
Don’t try to avoid conversations
It’s easy to try to avoid the conversation at all costs; focus on your phone and pretend the other person doesn’t exist; look into infinity or make a fake call. It is especially common with people when they are face to face with their crush. They don’t know what to say so they choose to say nothing at all.
If you are one of those people, what are you running from, really? If you’re having a hard time starting a conversation, here are some tips and it’s something you can improve on. Conversations are critical in real life. You can establish relationships with people, business, or personal ones through them.
In fact, the classic “How are you?” It is usually an instantaneous escape: it is a signal that we give and that indicates that we want that conversation to end immediately. Are you sending the right signal? In today’s world, “sup?”, “how are you?”, “you alright?” etc. are considered greetings rather than questions.
Now that we have got the Don’ts out of the way, let’s take a look at what you should do.
Do pay attention
Let’s say your crush is talking to you. Pay attention to what they have to say. They might talk about their interests and hobbies and you can latch on to that and start an invigorating conversation. If you see some visible photographs, diplomas, decorations or books that can be the basis for a promising start.
- “I see you studied in Lucerne, how was your time there?”
- “That painting is spectacular, is it by a well-known artist?”
Be careful: do not use the connection to talk about yourself, but allow people to talk about them. For example, don’t say:
- “I see you have a photo in Paris. I went to Paris last year and what I liked the most was the Louvre museum.”
- What a nice photo in Paris! How long ago were you there?
That way, you allow the person to take charge and talk about themselves. In the meantime, you maintain active listening attention and continue the conversation. Nothing is more exasperating than talking when the other is not listening. Talk, and listen. Don’t just talk and wait for your turn to speak again.
Do ask questions
The key to the conversation is this: ask lots of questions. People like to talk about themselves a lot; of the things that they like and are interested in.
As a general rule of thumb: in any conversation make sure you speak no more than 30% of the time, and let others do the rest. Ask intelligent and direct questions, depending on the place and the person; that is not invasive or personal (do not ask about deaths, divorces or uncomfortable things like how much weight they have gained), nor close ended questions (that are answered with a Yes or a No, or a plain good).
Ask kind, positive, and open questions. For instance:
- I know you recently moved, what has been the most difficult thing in this city?
- What is your biggest challenge for this week?
- What are you planning to do on vacation?
Note that they are all questions that comply with the rule: they are open ended, friendly and positive: they invite the other person to stop for a second; pay attention to the question; think and answer something that will be important to them.
All people appreciate having someone to listen to them. Once the question is asked.
- Listen carefully.
- Do not interrupt.
- Don’t “win” with a better story.
- Don’t leave it in the middle.
- Don’t get distracted by your phone.
Remember, the goal is to have a pleasant conversation and a great time instead of fighting and winning a debate. A lot of times, when you win a debate, you lose a person.
Instead, if possible, ask new questions that deepen and improve the relationship. If the elevator has reached its destination and it is time to say goodbye, end on a high note, and that is related to what you just heard:
- “Good luck with the new school!”
- “I’m sure you are going to make it!”
- “How interesting, I hope you tell me more later!”
For first conversations or small encounters, let the other person take all the attention and interest. You will make them feel good about themselves, and as a result, they will seek your company and advice more often.
Although it may seem contradictory, remember that the best conversationalist is the one who speaks the least. You don’t really have to snoop through your crush’s social media page to find out what they like or dislike. Just listen to them talk, and you will find out a lot of topics which you can use to have some great conversations.